I read in W@W a few days ago that there was one guest of a couple who posted a rant about the "guest guidelines" that the couple posted in their wedsite. The said guidelines were posted over and over again by soon-to-weds; the original document can be found here. There is also this post that I chanced upon today while browsing W@W.
While we did not post such in our wedsite, I'd like to give my own view on some of those things as I believe the comment left by that guest was way out of line. It is, after all, that couple's wedding. Their wedding = their rules.
*Note that my post/view only contains side-comments and does not necessarily answer the Qs on the Q&A part.
Q: I got an invite but have no plans of attending; should I still send a gift?
A.First thing's first. If you won't be able to attend for whatever reason, please RSVP. A big chunk of the wedding budget goes to the reception and it will be utterly inconsiderate to just give up a reserved seat without letting the couple know. Give them the chance to assign that seat to another guest in their "waitlist." Having that out of the way, let's get to your question: YES, it is customary to still send a gift.
>>>Please RSVP. According to Philippines wedding coordinators, there are still 20% of people who don't show-up at the wedding even if they already RSVP'd with a "Yes". There are also some guests, who after saying "No" would show up at the wedding. Please consider that we, even from the start, are making drafts of the seating arrangement for YOUR own comfort. This is an on-going process and I'm pretty sure we will still do this until about a day or two before the wedding. Showing up unannounced or not showing up when expected not only affects us but also affects the person/s you're supposed to be sitting next to. Worse comes to worst, they will be sitting next to someone they do not know (read: someone who wasn't expected to be there as they haven't RSVP'd, or have decided last minute that they want to go). Imagine yourself sitting next to people whom you do not know at all. Awkward.
Q. The envelope bears only my name. May I ask if I can bring a date?
A. Don't bring a date unless your invitation specifically says "and Guest." Bringing unexpected guests is very impolite. Neither should you ask the couple's permission if you may bring one or not. Don't put your friends on the spot. We Filipinos don't really like turning down people. So how would you know if their "Yes" means yes or not? Spare them that trouble.
>>>Please know that while we want to invite everyone's girlfriends/boyfriends, we can't. Those who are already married and/or engaged, please do know that we included your significant others in the invitation. For those who do not fall in the married and/or engaged category, but have been together for long AND given that R &/or I already met him/her, chances are you also get a "+1" in your invitation. Unfortunately, for those who only started dating, &/or R &/or I haven't met that person (yet), then there is 99% chance that they are not included in our guest list. Introducing them to R &/or I a few days/weeks before the wedding still doesn't count as a reserved seat for that person. We hope you understand that there are other people in our "waiting list" that we'd like to spend time with on our wedding day than someone we just met a few days/week prior.
Q. The invite says "Mr. & Mrs." Could we bring our kids?
A. Never bring the kids unless "& Family" is indicated. Soon-to-weds don't usually invite children for a good reason. Kids get bored or cranky during hour-long masses. Their tantrums might disrupt the solemnity of the ceremony. Weddings are usually formal events typically not appropriate for the little ones. To be blunt about it, inviting a child at the reception means added two mouths to feed - the kid's and the yaya's.
>>>All of the invitations contain an RSVP card (with M's number; so please do RSVP) which indicates the number of seats allotted for you. Our purpose in doing so is to make sure that we can all fit in our reception venue; and to make sure we do not run out of food to serve our guests. We do not want to be known as "the couple who made their guests hungry". I'm sure you do not want to be that guest who became hungry at our reception.
Q. Could I skip the ceremony and head straight to the reception?
A. You can. BUT you shouldn't! You are invited to THE wedding -- that's the part where they exchange their "I dos." The reception is where the Receiving Line is. You can't be 'received' if you are already seated in the hall, right? "Patay-gutom" is too harsh a word and we assure you that it's by no means what anyone would think if indeed you decide to go straight to the reception. But admit that it struck a nerve just mentioning the word in that context, isn't it?
>>>Please be at the church. We chose an airconditioned church with plenty of seats so you will be comfortable while we are getting wed. The reception venue is close to the church so you will not have to sit in traffic for an hour or two from the end of the ceremony to the start of the reception. Please note that we also reserved our reception venue 2 hours from the start of the ceremony, so unless you want to see how our suppliers beautify the place, we will appreciate it if you can witness us exchange our vows. And please be there on time. We'd love to have photos with you at the church altar as well.
We made sure not to demand a lot of things from you, our guests. We placed ourselves in your shoes and we don't want you to be hassled in any way just to be able to make it to our wedding just as we do not want to go through loops just to be able to attend someone else's big day/s.
We want our wedding to reflect what we like and what we love to do. We want to spend that day with people close to our hearts - family & friends. And that is why we invited YOU, because you are close to our hearts and we'd love for you to be there to celebrate with us!
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